The Feminist Paradox: Declaring Men Redundant While Needing Their Return, By Mrs Vera West
In his Alt-Market.us article, Brandon Smith articulates a growing cultural tension: modern feminism portrays men as unnecessary relics of a patriarchal past, yet women increasingly express alarm as men withdraw from relationships, leaving a "female loneliness epidemic." This feminist paradox, declaring men redundant while craving their presence, reflects a deeper societal rift. Feminism's emphasis on female empowerment through victimhood and rejection of traditional gender roles has, according to Smith, disrupted the nuclear family, destabilised Western culture, and alienated men. This post explores the roots of this paradox, its consequences, and potential resolutions.
Feminism, particularly its third-wave iteration, has framed men as obstacles to women's liberation. Smith argues that feminists have vilified masculinity, portraying men as inherently oppressive and their traditional roles, provider, protector, initiator, as outdated. This rhetoric, amplified by media and institutional support (e.g., preferential laws, DEI policies), has fostered a culture where women are encouraged to value independence, career, and casual relationships over family and commitment in their 20s.
Smith cites the New York Times essay "Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back," where the author nostalgically recalls an era of easy romantic exploitation, blaming men's withdrawal on their inability to handle "powerful" women. This narrative sidesteps accountability, framing women as perpetual victims of men, society, or biology. By dismissing men's roles, feminism has implicitly declared them redundant, encouraging women to delay marriage and family until their 30s or 40s, often at the expense of biological realities.
Recent data underscores the consequences of this dynamic. Surveys indicate that 63% of men aged 18-29 are single, with 30% reporting no sexual activity for a year or more. Marriage rates have plummeted: in 1980, 60% of adults were married by age 25, compared to just 20% today. Projections suggest that by 2030, 45% of women aged 25-44 will be single and childless, often involuntarily, as fertility declines sharply after the mid-30s.
This male exodus, Smith argues, stems from rational choices. Men, biologically inclined to pursue and take risks, are opting out due to:
1.Risk of Exploitation: Family courts and divorce laws, influenced by feminist policies, favor women, with women initiating 70% of divorces. Men face financial and emotional ruin, making commitment less appealing.
2.Rejection of Promiscuity: Men increasingly avoid women with high "body counts," associating promiscuity, glorified by feminism's "sexual revolution,' with instability and lack of discernment.
3.Cultural Hostility: Decades of feminist rhetoric labelling masculinity as toxic have discouraged men from pursuing women, redirecting their energy to careers, hobbies, or solitude.
4.Desire for Peace: Smith emphasises that men value peace above all. Feminist-driven conflict, from combative dating dynamics to ideological demands, offers the opposite, prompting men to disengage.
The result is a "female loneliness epidemic," as women face isolation in their 30s and beyond. The New York Times laments the loss of "unscripted contact" and vulnerability yet fails to acknowledge women's role in creating this divide. Smith contends that feminists' refusal to self-reflect, blaming men while begging for their return, exemplifies the paradox.
The feminist paradox has profound implications for Western society. The nuclear family, a cornerstone of cultural stability, is eroding. Low marriage and birth rates threaten demographic and economic sustainability, with aging populations straining welfare systems. The glorification of individualism over communal bonds has left women, who thrive on social connection, particularly vulnerable to loneliness. Meanwhile, men, conditioned to endure solitude, are finding alternative outlets, from online communities to personal pursuits, further widening the gender gap.
Smith argues that feminism's obsession with power, seeking control over men, institutions, and narratives, has backfired. By leveraging institutional advantages (e.g., subsidies, legal protections), feminists have created a false sense of empowerment, ignoring that men still drive essential societal functions, utilities, infrastructure, security. This disconnect fuels resentment, as men perceive their contributions as undervalued while being vilified.
Resolving the feminist paradox requires mutual accountability and a cultural reset. Key steps include:
1.Rejecting Victimhood Narratives: Women must move beyond feminism's victim-centric framework, recognizing that empowerment comes from responsibility, not entitlement.
2.Revaluing Traditional Roles: Both genders should embrace complementary roles, men as initiators and providers, women as nurturers and partners, without shame, acknowledging biological and social realities.
3.Encouraging Early Commitment: Women should prioritise relationships and family in their 20s, aligning with fertility windows to avoid involuntary childlessness.
4.Apologising for Misandry: Feminists must acknowledge the harm of vilifying masculinity, fostering mutual respect rather than antagonism.
5.Fostering Peaceful Dynamics: Relationships thrive on mutual respect and peace, not power struggles. Women should offer emotional stability, not just sexual access, to attract committed partners.
The feminist paradox, declaring men redundant while yearning for their return, reveals a crisis of accountability and cultural misalignment. Feminism's rejection of traditional gender dynamics has alienated men, disrupted families, and fuelled a loneliness epidemic among women. By refusing to acknowledge their role in this divide, feminists perpetuate a cycle of blame and isolation. Rebuilding trust requires both genders to value mutual respect, reject ideological extremism, and embrace complementary roles. Only through honest reflection and cultural renewal can the West mend the rift between men and women, restoring the balance needed for a sane society.
By Brandon Smith
One rule has remained true for generations when it comes to the division between the sexes: Men are held accountable for everything, women accept accountability for nothing.
Obviously, there's going to be exceptions to the rule, but the majority of the time it is true that modern western women have a serious problem taking responsibility when things go wrong. They have been taught from a very early age that they are victims: Victims of men, victims of society, victims of "patriarchy", victims of religion, victims of biology, victims of circumstance, etc.
The feminist movement is built entirely around the notion that women can weaponize their victimhood as a means to control society.
I continue to hold that feminism is the KEY movement that has undermined the success of western culture. Their zealotry has led to the destruction of the nuclear family (the most important factor in a healthy nation). They have helped to facilitate the near collapse of the west and this problem needs to be addressed before it's too late.
I recently came across an article in the New York Times which explains the decline in western relationships in a way that is both hilarious and depressing. The essay is titled 'Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back'. The author (a 50-something woman from Chicago) recalls the old days of dating when men were easy targets for exploitation.
"We knew what worked. We knew how to frame a face, a gesture, a moment of implication — just enough to ignite fantasy and open a wallet. I came to understand, in exact terms, what cues tempt the average 18-to-36-year-old cis heterosexual man. What drew him in. What kept him coming back. It wasn't intimacy. It wasn't mutuality. It was access to simulation — clean, fast and frictionless…"
"…That dynamic has quietly collapsed. We have moved into an era where many men no longer seek women to impress other men or to connect across difference. They perform elsewhere. Alone. They've filtered us out."
The author insinuates that the era of easy money and easy sex for women was a product of the masculine dynamics of competition and status (blame men). Yet, she also seems to be waxing nostalgic, longing for those days to return. This was the "Sex And The City" era in the late 1990s and early 2000s that was born from the sexual revolution of second wave feminism. It was the era in which female promiscuity and greed was glorified as the ultimate expression of women's empowerment.
The idea was to turn women's early adult years into a Dionysian orgy; giving away sex to any man with decent looks and a fat wallet in the hopes of eventually trapping a lifetime pay-pig. Marriage and maybe family would come in their 30s (or maybe 40s), but not until they had achieved as much degenerate fun as they could muster.
The problem is, women are on a biological clock, which is why for thousands of years marriage was THE primary concern for the fairer sex. To waste their 20s giving away their bodies for nothing? That was unthinkable insanity. This would doom them to decades of misery as lonely old maids living off the charity of others, and frankly nothing has changed. Childless cat ladies are still a thing and they are still embarrassing.
Only in the first world are these women able to survive.
No one looks at a spinster and sees her as "powerful" or free. Everyone can smell her failure. Her desperation. Her cope. This is why, more and more, we are beginning to see a sense of panic among women who bought into the feminist con game. They're realizing that men are not chasing them anymore.
It started out as a joke among woke leftists who laughed at the "rise of incels". The number of single men refusing to enter the dating world was skyrocketing and the feminists said this was a good thing. Let the "ugly scrubs" wallow in their loneliness while the ladies go out and gorge on freedom and fun until they get sick. However, the trend has continued to the point that a majority of men are checking out completely.
Recent surveys reveal that 63% of young men ages 18-29 are single. Around 30% of men have not been sexually active for a year or more. In 1980, 60% of adults were married by the age of 25. Today, only 20% are married by age 25. Men are exiting relationships and marriage at record pace, and because men are the initiators of relationships (men are biologically designed to take risks and pursue), women are starting to feel the pinch.
The latest data predicts that 45% of women ages of 25 to 44 will be single and childless by the year 2030, and not necessarily by choice. If a woman is single and childless by the time she reaches her mid-30s, her chances of creating a family drop exponentially along with her fertility.
They are calling it the female loneliness epidemic and it's bearing down on western society like a freight train. Even feminists are getting worried. As the New York Times opines:
"There was a time, not so long ago, … when the act of staying the night didn't announce a relationship, just a willingness to be human for a few more hours. Now, even that kind of unscripted contact feels rare. We've built so many boundaries that we've walled off the very moments that make connection memorable…"
"This idea that vulnerability is a threat instead of an invitation has created a culture of hesitation, of men circling intimacy but never entering it. And the result is thousands of tiny silos. Everyone performing closeness, but no one making a move that binds. Isolation. Loneliness. A hunger for contact that has nowhere to land…"
But of course, the Times doesn't seem to think women are culpable in the slightest for this outcome. Instead, they continue the blame game:
"So here's what I'll say: You are missed. Not just by me, but by the world you once helped shape…"
"We remember you. The version of you that lingered at the table. That laughed from the chest. That asked questions and waited for the answers. That touched without taking. That listened – really listened – when a woman spoke.
You are not gone, but your presence is thinning. In restaurants, in friendships, in the slow rituals of romantic emergence. You've retreated – not into malice, but into something softer and harder all at once: Avoidance. Exhaustion. Disrepair.
Maybe no one taught you how to stay. Maybe you tried once, and it hurt. Maybe the world told you your role was to provide, to perform, to protect — and never to feel…"
Listen men, your lack of participation is starting to stress out the ladies. Just admit you can't handle intimacy. Just admit you can't handle these "powerful" women and their vast intellects and emotional genius. You need to be taught how to behave, that's all. Just crawl back to them and they're ready to tolerate you again. Isn't that nice? They're giving you a second chance…
At no point does the author ask WHY men are exhausted? At no point does she ask any actual men what they think or feel before writing her nonsensical screed. Obscured by insufferable and flowery prose, she still blames men while asking them to come back. And that should tell you everything you need to know about feminism in general.
I would ask feminists the million dollar question that they have avoided for so long: Have you considered the possibility that men ghost you and will not commit to you because YOU are the problem? The answer is no, obviously.
I'm a man in my mid-40s who thankfully dodged the bulk of wokeness in the dating world, but I think I can still explain for the NYT why men are walking away if they're willing to listen.
1) First, I must say that an author in her 50s still longing for casual sitcom encounters like she's in her 20s reveals a lot about why modern women are oblivious. Real life is not Sex In The City – Most men of means do not gravitate towards long term relationships with women in their grandma phase. She should already be in a happy relationship or marriage, she's had plenty of time to figure this out.
Feminism has made women think they can engage with life on their own schedule. They can't.
2) Men are especially wary of women with baggage. Women initiate 70% of breakups and divorces and feminist influence over family law has made divorce easier and more lucrative than ever for women. The older a woman is the more baggage she has and the less likely a man is going to want to date her seriously, let alone put an expensive ring on her finger.
Western women have been taught they need to party in their 20s, then pursue serious relationships in their 30s or 40s. Meaning, they ignore their best prospects for at least a decade. Their ideology sets them up to enter the relationship market when their marriage value is lowest.
3) Men are no longer tolerating the concept of the sexual revolution. They don't want to take any chances on women who think promiscuity is a virtue. They know that statistically, women who sleep around lack discernment, the ability to connect, self respect and mental stability. Starting a relationship with such a person will only lead to disaster. They never stay happy for long (the grass is always greener). And so, men stay home. Want to get them back? Keep your body count low.
4) Third-Wave Feminists spent the better part of the last 20 years telling men they are pure evil for being masculine and wanting to chase women. So, men did what you asked of them – They stopped chasing you. They found other more interesting endeavors like their careers and their hobbies. If you want men to come back, perhaps you should APOLOGIZE for all those years of slander.
5) Modern women have greatly overestimated the usefulness of sex as a bartering tool for securing a man. If you want a man to stick around you're going to have to show him love and respect, not just what's inside your pants.
6) Men are far more conditioned to be alone than women are. Women are communal creatures. They rely on constant interactions, affirmations and group inclusion. Social media might fill the void for a while but it can't give them what they really want – Intimate personal attention 24/7. Only a partner and children can give you that. In a battle of who can endure loneliness longer, men will win, so don't make it into a battle.
7) I'll tell you the biggest open secret that modern women still don't understand – They claim that men are afraid of approaching them. They say that men today are "weak" and that they can't handle the new era of the "boss babe". They argue that men need to abandon their traditional masculine roles and act more feminine; this will make it easier for everyone to get along.
These are common jabs at the male ego designed to make men feel ashamed for distancing themselves from feminists. In reality, men value one thing above all else: Peace. If you can't offer peace, then no man with any sense of self worth has a use for you. Feminists offer the opposite of peace, and so they have no value.
8) Feminism, like all Marxist movements, is obsessed with power. Everything they do is driven by a desire for power and control; not just over their own lives but over the world around them. Modern women say they want the same power as men, but they need to accept that no matter how much the scales are tipped in their favor through laws, government subsidies, easy college grants, DEI hiring and unfair divorce, they will never be like men.
The author suggests that men no longer shape the world because they have abandoned the current relationship dynamic. This is foolish. Men continue to shape everything around you. Every utility, every necessity, every government, nearly every company, your safety and security, your ability to be free, it's all reliant on men. You have no power and you never will.
Feminist empowerment is a fantasy based on institutional leverage which men ALLOW them to have. Until they stop coveting power they can't comprehend or handle the divisions between men and women will not be resolved. In short, if feminists want men to pay attention to them again, they will have to stop being feminists."
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