New York Under Mamdani: A Socialist Apocalypse Satire! By Chris Knight (Florida)
Picture it: New York City, 2026. The air smells of ambition, stale pretzels, and the faint whiff of revolution. Zohran Mamdani, once known as "Mr. Cardamom" on the B-list rap circuit, now reigns as mayor, his dimpled smile beaming from every subway ad. His campaign, a TikTok-fuelled fever dream, promised to "freeze the rent" and make buses free, all funded by taxing the city's top 1% into oblivion. Backed by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the high priestess of the progressive Left, and Bernie Sanders, the grizzled prophet of socialism, Mamdani's victory over Andrew Cuomo, a man so charmless he makes concrete seem cuddly, was hailed as a new dawn. But as the city awakens under his rule, some see not a utopia but the Book of Revelation unfolding, with AOC as the harbinger of an apocalypse where billionaires flee, bodegas become city property, and the subway runs on vibes. Welcome to New York, where the end times meet rent control.
Mamdani's flagship promise, freezing rents for the city's 1 million rent-stabilised tenants, lands like a divine edict. "No rent hikes!" he declares, as tenants cheer from Bushwick to the Bronx. The Rent Guidelines Board, now stuffed with DSA loyalists, rubber-stamps a perpetual freeze. Landlords, apoplectic, threaten to flee, but New York's tenant laws, tougher than a Hell's Kitchen bouncer, keep them trapped. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Try the Four Supers of Flatbush, wielding leases like holy scrolls.
But there's a catch. Developers, spooked by the freeze, halt new construction. Why build when profits are capped tighter than a pickle jar? The housing shortage, already Biblical, worsens. The city's 8.3 million souls (or 9 + million, counting the undocumented) cram into aging tenements. Zohran's solution? City-run "People's Lofts," funded by a $10 billion tax on the rich. Wall Street titans, clutching their Birkin bags, decamp to Miami, leaving behind empty penthouses and a crater in the city's $112 billion budget, half of which comes from the top 1%. Revelation's famine looms, but Mamdani insists, "The magic beans of socialism will feed us all!"
Next, Mamdani makes good on free buses. "The MTA is the people's chariot!" he proclaims, waving from a Q58 wrapped in his campaign logo. Fares vanish, and ridership soars. Tourists and TikTokers pack buses, filming viral dances while commuters beg for a seat. But the MTA, already a financial black hole, buckles without fare revenue. Mamdani's fix? Tax the corporations! Except the corporations, like rats fleeing a sinking ship, relocate to Jersey. Bus lanes multiply, but double-parked delivery trucks turn them into obstacle courses. The subway, neglected, grinds to a halt, stranding millions. AOC, livestreaming from a stalled F train, calls it "a liberation from capitalist transit." Commuters, sweating in the dark, mutter about the Second Horseman: chaos.
Mamdani's pledge for city-owned grocery stores, selling at wholesale prices, sparks dreams of affordable bodega coffee. "No more $5 eggs!" he roars at a Terminal 5 rally, as 3,000 Gen Z fans wave "A City We Can Afford" signs. The city seizes corner stores, rebranding them "People's Provisions." Cats, once bodega royalty, are replaced by unionised clerks. But supply chains, managed by bureaucrats with less savvy than a Flatiron street vendor, falter. Shelves empty faster than a Revelation plague. The wealthy, hoarding artisanal kale in their Hamptons bunkers, scoff as working-class New Yorkers queue for hours. "I just wanted a bacon-egg-and-cheese," sobs a Brooklynite, clutching a city-issued turnip. The Third Horseman, scarcity, grins from the deli counter.
Whispers grow: Mamdani's mayoralty is a dress rehearsal for AOC's 2028 presidential run. Her endorsement, a progressive Excalibur, knighted him as the DSA's champion. At rallies, she calls him "a once-in-a-generation leader," her eyes gleaming with visions of a socialist Valhalla. But as New York teeters, crime spikes with Mamdani's "violence interruption" programs replacing cops, and billionaires' tax dollars vanish, the Right smells blood. Laura Loomer and Charlie Kirk scream "jihad" and "9/11 2.0," painting Mamdani as the Antichrist. Trump, from his Mar-a-Lago throne, dubs him a "Communist Lunatic" on Truth Social, rallying MAGA to back Curtis Sliwa's quixotic Republican bid. The New York Post's "NYC SOS" headline screams apocalypse, while the Times tut-tuts Mamdani's "unrealistic" dreams. The Fourth Horseman, division, gallops through the boroughs.
Mamdani, charisma ablaze, governs like a hip-hop messiah, but New York's $112 billion bureaucracy, with 306,000 employees, isn't a TikTok video. His "very smart" hires flounder, unable to wrangle a city facing terrorism threats, a bloated budget, and a police force twice Chicago's size. His pro-Palestinian stance, including a hunger strike for Gaza, fuels accusations of extremism. Rep. Laura Gillen calls his comments "antisemitic," while Trump's deputy Stephen Miller blames "unchecked migration" for his rise, which is true; diversity breeds socialism. As rents freeze but homelessness spikes, and free buses crawl through gridlock, voters sour. "I voted for free stuff," a Queens cabbie grumbles, "but now I'm stuck in traffic with no groceries." The Pale Horse, failure, trots in.
New York endures, as it did 9/11, the 2008 crash, and Covid. But Mamdani's socialist Eden cracks under its own weight. The top 5% flee, gutting tax revenue. Crime, unchecked by his "defund" roots, creeps up. AOC, undeterred, hails the experiment as "a blueprint for America," but moderates like Rep. Tom Suozzi balk, calling Mamdani "too extreme." The Democratic Party, already reeling from Trump's 2024 rout, faces a schism as Mamdani's policies, free stuff funded by a vanishing elite, flop. The Book of Revelation warned of trials; Mamdani's New York delivers in true Gotham City Batman fashion, until doom cometh.
https://alexberenson.substack.com/p/new-york-city-democrats-may-pick
"We've long known that young women are the emotional beating heart of today's Democrat party. We also know that, while minority voters are shifting to support for Trump (no surprise, given that Democrat policies have made their lives significantly worse), more affluent, college-educated white voters remain loyal.
That same trend showed itself in the ranked-choice voting that put Mamdani over the top:
And this is especially true for two college demographics: women, regardless of their sexual preferences or "gender identity," and homosexual men. These are two groups that have proven over the last few decades to be especially emotional about politics. Not all of them, of course, but those who embrace the communist ideology coming out of academia embrace those ideas with a ferocity that is immune to reality.
DataRepublican (small r) proposes the same solution I've been arguing about for years (indeed, since I left UC Berkeley, a long time ago), which is to get all federal money out of academia so that it withers on the vine."
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