Jim Goad Discovers that Putin is Evil Incarnate, and Not a Nice Person, Too! By James Reed
A nice piece of satire by one of my favourite journalists, Jim Goad. He is rough and sardonic, dropping f-bombs all over the place, so I have to look carefully for these words, and censor them from any text reproduced. This used to take a long time, but for my joy I discovered the search function on Word “navigation panel,” so now I am good to go, with a sanitised text. So, without further ado and waffling on, here is Jim explaining why Putin is so evil that a nuclear war eliminating the human race is the least of our problems!
“Breaking News: Putin is Evil
In the past few weeks, I’ve gone on record stating that I don’t see the current Ukraine/Russia conflict being good for Americans in any conceivable way.
This was before I learned that Vladimir Putin is evil. Now that I know this, I agree that he must be stopped by any means necessary, even if it means genociding the entire human race. So long as we kill Putin, too, we’re good.
War is hell, but it’s much less of a pain in the a** when it’s morally inambiguous. It’s much easier to take sides in a war — even to give your life in a war, I suppose; I’ve never done it — when you know for certain who the good guys and bad guys are.
Explaining that someone is evil brings much-needed clarity to the matter, and it lights the world’s good hearts aflame with a burning passion for righteous, violent revenge on behalf of all that is good and holy. Burn it all to the ground in a purifying crucible.
It’s easier on the conscience when the people whom you kill are evil.
It’s not murder when the animal you’re slaughtering really isn’t human.
Among people inclined to think in moral absolutes, it’s usually the good guys who do most of the killing. Usually, the rule is thou shalt not kill; it’s evil all by itself. But in specific cases, murder is righteous. It magically becomes good when the person you kill is evil.
And Putin is clearly out of control. He’s unhinged. He’s gone verklempt. He’s an evil, demented madman who will stop at nothing to manifest his dastardly designs.
He’s a f****** madman. A blood beast. A festering pustule. A horned and winged herpes sore. A bad apple.
The boy ain’t no damned good.
He’s out of his mind. He’s just plain snapped. …
Obviously, the prudent thing is to throw gasoline onto the fire here. It’s the only way to keep things from getting worse.
Biden recently called Putin a “butcher,” a “war criminal,” and a “murderous dictator, a pure thug who is waging an immoral war against the people of Ukraine.” He even says that Putin must be removed from power.
As opposed to all those moral wars the United States has waged against countless nations while Biden’s been in DC?
One newspaperman says that Putin is “evil incarnate” and probably smiles when he hears that pregnant Ukrainian women are getting bombed to bloody aerosol droplets in hospitals. All the columnists seem to agree: Putin is evil, evil, evil.
All of the Democrats have already accepted that Putin is evil — Nancy Pelosi recently read an inspirational poem by rock star Bono on behalf of the loving and brave people of Ukraine.
But many Republicans are also starting to accept the scientific fact that Putin is evil, and all it takes for World War III to start is “all of the Democrats” plus “many Republicans.”
“I think Putin is evil,” said Republican House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on Wednesday.
Alpha Mormon Mitt Romney referred to Putin as “a small, evil, feral-eyed man who is trying to shape the world in the image where once again Russia would be an empire.”
Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska explains, “our rooting interest here should be against the evil Vladimir Putin because the guy’s got big-ass weapons, and he’s evil.”
He said “evil” twice!
Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson said, “Putin is evil, and he needs to be called such. . . . I want all of our Republican leaders to be united in that voice.”
Across the pond, British foreign-policy nerd and former aide to Margaret Thatcher Nile Gardiner whipped up such a hyperbolically bloody froth in his fulminations to Express about Putin’s retardedly high capacity for unbridled malfeasance that one suspects he was menstruating when he said this:
Putin will follow the invasion with occupation and quite likely ethnic cleansing in Ukraine, as well as mass killing. . . . We should be prepared for the possibility of Putin setting up concentration camps, and inflicting horrific, horrendous suffering on the Ukrainian people. . . . He is capable of genocide — he doesn’t care at all about human life. . . . We are looking at savagery and barbarism on an epic scale with Putin, so we cannot underestimate what is happening and what might happen. . . . Putin’s goal is to occupy the whole of Ukraine and completely submerge it under Russian control . . . He doesn’t care how many people will die, even if that is hundreds of thousands. . . . What we saw in Srebrenica in the Balkans a few decades ago, this is what Putin is capable of on a much bigger scale. . . . There is no end to the evil this monster is capable of. . . . Putin and his regime have no intention of pulling back — they are going for the kill.
This Putin guy sounds like a really bad customer. They make him out like he’s one mean hombre. He’s the boy your mother warned you about.
But maybe he’s not evil after all. Maybe, like all “great bad guys,” he had a bad childhood. Maybe his early heartbreak and loss of innocence molded him into a tortured soul whose spirit was crushed by poverty and neglect and beatings and hunger and bullying, and he’s merely a wounded child who just so happens to want to snuff out all life on this planet as we know it so he can get a bit of closure. Maybe he has, as the psychological professionals like to say, “a few issues.”
Nope. “Putin is Evil, Not Mentally Ill,” confirms a Ukrainian psychologist.
Despite the fact that their country is broken and bankrupt, Americans tell pollsters that they are largely in favor of war with Russia. They also say they favor assassinating Putin if he continues misbehaving.
It’s all a religious conflict between good and evil. Think of that the next time you accidentally stub your toe on a decapitated infant’s head while walking in downtown Kiev.
So are you ready to die to stop Putin?
If so, that would at least make one of us.”