Used as Speed Humps or Starved to Death? That is the Question By James Reed

     Hey man, cool it, people will think that you’re crazy, a fellow protester said to me at the Melbourne climate protests. Yes, being pathologically lonely and bored I decided to have a day trip and meet some furry people. It was fun jumping up and down and screaming, until I started to get pains in my chest. The same guy said: hey man if you keep that up you are going to have a heart attack and maybe be the first person here to die as a climate hero! No, it was just dehydration, and after a drink from the fountain (well ducks drink it so it must be good) I was off again, until the police said that I needed to stop ranting because I was scaring shoppers. Did I get on YouTube? No, didn’t make it. Sigh.

     The big question though is whether protesters who block roads and hold up the flow of commerce should be made into road humps or starved to death in gaol (leaving aside the possibility in both cases of being eaten alive by giant rats)?

“Kerri-Anne Kennerley has launched a blistering rant at climate change protesters as a week of demonstrations paralyses the country. The Studio 10 pundit said that protesters causing disruption should be used as speed bumps or starved in jail. The panel was discussing the Queensland government's plan to allow tougher sentences for protesters breaking the law. Kennerley said she supported the move, adding: 'Personally, I would leave them all super glued to wherever they do it.' Referring to a protester who attached a hammock to a bridge in Brisbane, she said: 'The guy hanging from the Story Bridge. Why send emergency services to look after or get a moron down? 'Leave him there until he gets himself out. 'No emergency services should help them, nobody should do anything, and you just put little witches hats around them, or use them as a speedbump.' Kennerley's co-host Sarah Harris put her head in her hands and said: 'Kerri-Anne, god, you're going to get us into trouble.' Kennerley remained defiant and asked: 'Is that wrong?' Harris then said she supports big fines but asked 'jail time is a bit out there isn't it?' Kennerley replied: 'No put them in jail and forget to feed them'. As the discussion continued, Kennerley offered a message to the protesters: 'Here's an idea. Why don't all you extremists go to China or Saudi Arabia and do it?' 'If we all pedalled to work, if we stop doing anything that harms the environment in Australia, it makes no difference. 'Do it where it is going to count which is China, India and America. Go and do it over there.' Kennerley then asked Harris: 'Was that a bit extreme do you think?' Harris replied: 'No, no' before ending the section.”

     The better alternative is to super-glue or arc weld protesters to the spot rather than take the old Soviet method of starving to death, for planting them in situ makes an eternal protest, or until the birds/rats eat them, which must be good for the environment anyway. Wow, if only we had what they had in the UK as the ladies got all decked up in red Satanist/witchcraft/Halloween outfits and took to the streets, doing super-weird protests, perhaps calling upon the Earth spirits to save the Earth; you know, Gaia, mother Earth and all that.  Talk about colour … well …red anyway. Red? Any symbolic meaning there?

     I have not had so much fun since I got my hand caught in a meat grinder.



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Sunday, 25 October 2020
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