The Great Coronavirus Toilet Paper Stampede! By Brian Simpson

     Both myself and our resident survivalist, John Steele have been giving readers gentle warnings about the need to quietly stock up on supplies before they all walk out the door, or rather before fear produces panic buying, over the coronavirus. Note, it does not matter much whether this is a real threat, or merely a product of fear, the results are the same: rapid depletion of resources:

“A stampede broke out in a Sydney Woolworths after a flurry of desperate shoppers emptied the shelves of toilet paper in the wake of the coronavirus outbreak. The store in Revesby, in Sydney's south west, was full of anxious shoppers who were filmed piling packets of toilet paper into their trolleys. Dramatic footage showed customers reaching over each other, carrying two 12-packs at a time before racing back for more. Woolworths was forced to introduce a four-packet limit per customer on Wednesday after customers started stockpiling bulk amounts of toilet paper. One Aldi store even enforced a radical one-packet per person toilet paper limit after shoppers stormed its aisles in a panic. Management from the Aldi store in Epping, in Sydney's north-west, put up a sign reading: 'Only 1 toilet paper per sale.' 'Any customers coming in again that is recognised to have already purchased within 24 hours will be refused as everyone deserves some toilet paper not just a few.' Woolworths said their four-packet limit would apply in-store and online. 'It will help shore up stock levels as suppliers ramp up local production and deliveries in response to higher than usual demand,' the supermarket chain said in a statement. 'Our teams are continuing to work hard on restocking stores with long-life food and groceries from our distribution centres.' Coles are yet to announce any limitations on their toilet paper. On other occasions, people have jokingly been selling toilet paper online for as much as $24,000 - as seen on Facebook Marketplace. Others were selling toilet paper for around $1,000 and $699.”

     You know, it is funny that this toilet paper crisis issue comes out today, March 4, 2020, as yesterday I had a sickie from school, and when feeling better decided to rescue my toilet paper supplies from the tool shed, which is a large shed for suburbia. I had stored it in garbage bags, everywhere where there was space. I estimate that we will be fine for bum wiping for at least a year. Stop Press: No sooner had the electronic ink dried on this article, and I had carefully wrapped it on the leg of a cyber carrying pigeon to fly its heart out to Adelaide, at the speed of electrons, when I saw this:

“A shopper has allegedly pulled a knife on another customer during an argument over toilet paper at a Woolworths supermarket in Sydney's west - as 'panic-buying' shoppers clear shelves across the country. A New South Wales Police spokeswoman said officers were called to a 'disturbance' at the Westfield Parramatta store about 1.30pm on Wednesday. Staff members said a man and a woman had a fight over toilet tissue. One was carrying a knife, a Woolworths worker said. At least six police officers were at the scene and a woman was seen being spoken to by investigators. No one was injured, police said. A Woolworths employee told Daily Mail Australia the woman involved in the incident had communication difficulties and police were trying to get to the bottom of what caused the scuffle. Supermarkets are now enforcing strict restrictions on toilet paper purchases as shoppers, driven by fears of a global coronavirus pandemic, cleared supermarket shelves across Australia.”

     I had never seen any story before on knife fights over toilet paper, but there is always a first. People, this is getting serious!



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