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Plastic Oceans? Bring it On! By Uncle Len, the Plastic Spastic
I just love plastic, and collect all sorts of plastic objects, such as broken toys, pieces of random junk, and of course bottles, which I sell to keep this vast journalistic operation afloat. Now I have been told by the UN, personally, of all people, that soon there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish, probably because of my white privilege:
“Plastic has been highlighted as one of the biggest environmental threats facing the world by the UN in a call to action issued to mark World Environment Day. While emphasising the success of many international efforts to tackle plastic waste, the organisation described how the “scourge of plastic” has reached every corner of the Earth. In a report billed as the most comprehensive yet to examine global government strategies against the “scourge”, UN experts called for concerted action to “beat plastic pollution”. Levies and bans – of the kind already being rolled out for some plastic products in the UK – were found to be among the most effective strategies for dealing with the problem. Presenting case studies from more than 60 countries, the UN analysis explored the different strategies being implemented and suggested measures that policymakers can take to curb the problem.”
My response, as a simple sort of Right wing nutjob, tin foil hat conspiracy theorist kind of guy, is of course to reject all of this as nonsense. It is from the UN, the UN represents the one world global conspiracy, so everything they say must be false. Look at global warming, and here I am freezing to death in my little shed and I would surely be in a block of ice if not for my mountain of plastic bags, saved from rubbish bins. Producing waste plastic that eventually goes into the sea, along with industrial/agricultural chemicals, and the urine of a trillion sexually/radio active women, all on the pill, is just the price we pay for the warmth and comfort of the modern world. Would we want it any other way? Everybody surely loves getting a burger and fries in a big white bubble of plastic joy, throwing away the burger and eating the much more nutritious container. Personally, I have always hated the smell of fish, and would the death of fish really be such a loss? Sure, mass starvation might be a problem for some unfortunate folk, but that is the price one pays for eating fish. They should have eaten plastic instead.
Here, didn’t this guy say that pesticides and plastics would save the world, not kill it?
“If one listens to the latest pronouncements from a number of prominent environmentalists, things seem very dire indeed. Poisonous apples, genetically engineered milk, rising global temperatures, and decreasing rainforest acreage are favorite causes. And all too often the media uncritically carries the environmentalists’ tainted water. Fortunately, there is another side to the story. The second edition of Dennis Avery’s 1995 seminal work, Saving the Planet Through Pesticides and Plastics shows that cancer risks in the industrialized nations are decreasing; that the world’s temperature rises and falls naturally; that governments, not agribusinesses, have been encouraging people to cut down rain forests; that the industrial nations pollute less than other countries; and that the widespread use of organic farming threatens the world’s wildlife.Avery shows that high yield farming techniques can both feed the earth’s burgeoning population that will reach 8 billion in the next century while preserving wildlands and wildlife. Thoroughly updated and re-written with new information and data, Avery’s controversial book shows how agricultural technology can save the planet for both people and wildlife.”
See, I run not just on raw prejudice and ignore, but also great science.