Eat More Microplastics, They Are Truly the Plastic Fantastic! By Uncle Len, Lover of Fine Plastic And All Things Hydrocarbon

     This story got me so hungry that I broke off a bit more plastic to eat. Wait, I will bring readers up to date. There are so many families dumpster diving now, that to survive needed another food source. So, I took up eating plastic. What, you say, Uncle Len, you are not an insect, how can you survive on plastic alone? But, I am not alone, for we all are eating heaps of plastic and doing fine too:

“A new review by the World Health Organisation (WHO) has found that the potential health risks from consuming microplastics in our drinking water are not yet known. Microplastics are “ubiquitous” in the food we eat and in drinking water, both bottled and tap, the report said. Australian research revealed in June that, on average, we could ingest about five grams of plastic every week which is the equivalent weight of a credit card. However, the health impact is unclear and requires further research. “We urgently need to know more about the health impact of microplastics because they are everywhere – including in our drinking-water,” says Dr Maria Neira, director of the Department of Public Health, Environment and Social Determinants of Health at WHO. “Based on the limited information we have, microplastics in drinking water don’t appear to pose a health risk at current levels. But we need to find out more. We also need to stop the rise in plastic pollution worldwide.” Associate Professor Duncan McGillivray from the School of Chemical Sciences at the University of Auckland said we are more exposed to microplastics than we think.

“There are studies that have shown the presence of as much as 1000 particles per litre of bottled water,” McGillivray said, adding that we shouldn’t “panic” about microplastic but we “should not relax” either: “There are too many unknowns about how microplastics impact health.” Concerns about the possible effects of ingesting microplastics include that they could damage the immune system, cause inflammation, or carry  toxins such as mercury or pesticides. In sea mammals, plastics are thought to damage fertility. Until there is greater understanding about the health effects, some experts suggest drinking filtered water to help remove microplastics along with the pharmaceuticals and illicit drugs that have also been found in drinking water supplies around the world. “Opting for filters would aid in the removal of the microplastics. It would also aid in the removal of other pollutants like heavy metals and pathogens,” said Dr Paul Harvey, an environmental scientist and environmental chemist at Macquarie University. Thava Palanisami, a senior research fellow at the University of Newcastle’s Global Centre for Environmental Remediation, agrees. “Microplastics in drinking water is increasingly abundant, but it is geographic dependent as well,” said Palanisami. Studies have not yet looked exclusively at the levels in Australia. “At present, there is sufficient evidence to understand the human health impact of plastic-related chemicals (BPA, phthalates) but not for microplastics yet.”

     So, the experts don’t see any problem with microplastics and nor do I. Afterall, our processed food is only one step above plastic, so I am merely taking it all to its logical conclusion, in my own enviable style. I hope that I do not get hungry enough to eat my family and friends though … those little bundles of joy who scamper around the cement floor of my beloved shed.

     I too regret getting breast implants. Too much silicon, not enough “chip.”

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