Baby You Can Drive My Tesla! By Bruce Bennett
I did not know that things were so bad with old car/computer guru Elon Musk, who seems to go from disaster to disaster, but amazingly, somehow survives so that he can make it to the next disaster. I mean, who in one week alone has this much bad stuff happen to them? Sure, people like our own Uncle Len do, but we are talking about elite high-class folk here, not fringe dwellers who live on the fringe of the fringe.
“In the past week, we have learned that;
• Yet another Tesla has lost a wheel due to “Whompy Wheel” (google it). “Whompy Wheel” is a well-documented fatal Tesla flaw with dozens of occurrences, caused by poorly engineered suspensions (they’ve paid hush money to victims so they’re complicit) where wheels fall off Teslas during normal driving, leading to multiple fatal crashes. After the car crashed, the driver was burned alive due to faulty door handles that wouldn’t open once power was down
• The SEC is holding Elon Musk in contempt for blatant disregard of the prior settlement agreement. I suspect Musk is ultimately pushed out of the company as a result. At the very least, they cannot raise capital until this is settled. The longer the standoff lasts; the more likely it is that the market realizes that vehicle demand has died and the business is imploding—not exactly a good thing when your valuation is as stretched as Tesla’s is
• Tesla is closing most stores and service centers to save money, yet severance and lease termination will likely be larger than Tesla’s current liquidity balance. Such a move should be done in bankruptcy and in all my years, I have not seen a bankruptcy/non-bankruptcy announcement such as this (without any DIP even secured!!)
• Tesla is dramatically reducing vehicle prices to push faulty legacy inventory on consumers in a last ditch cash grab. Tesla’s cash needs are so extreme that they’re doing this despite trying to simultaneously sell a higher priced version into Europe where many buyers will simply return the car (under EU law) and accept a cheaper version, which will likely lead to negative margins on most vehicles sold this year
• Tesla is functionally bankrupt and the Q1 ending cash balance (not adjusted for quarter-end lipstick) will likely be less than $2 billion and possibly as low as $1 billion
• Tesla’s GC has looked at some piece of information and left the company, despite coming from a firm that specializes in white collar criminal defense. We don’t yet know what was so repugnant that he left, but it had to be rather awful as they’ve also lost their entire accounting team twice in the past year.
That all happened this week!!!”
If that was all in one week, I really hope that Elon does not do something drastic, like drive one of his cars! Elon, remember, your life is precious!