Coronavirus and Flatulence By the Ever-Farting Uncle Len (An Old Fart)

     After paddling through all of that tense prose here today, enough to give anyone GERDS, here is your untruly, Uncle Len, to deliver cosmic comic relief. You know, the sort of chronic relief that comes with irritable bowel syndrome, farting … or worse. But before I get into my disgusting rave, it is mandatory that the story weave in the corona bug, so:

“Coronavirus could be spreading through farts, a doctor is warning. One medic claimed people may be passing the deadly disease on to others through omitting bodily gasses - however experts aren't so sure. They say the chances of catching Covid-19 through farting is "tiny" and that Covid-19 is mainly transmitted between people through droplets spread from coughing and touching or shaking hands. Australian doctor Andy Tagg pointed out that farting could cause coronavirus after analysing a series of tests take from coronavirus patients earlier this year. He cited tests that revealed the virus was present in the faeces of 55 per cent of patients with Covid-19. And medics have previously warned farts contain tiny poo particles that can spread bacteria. Dr Tagg wrote: “Well, SARS-CoV-2 can be detected in faeces and has been detected in an asymptomatic individual up to 17 days post-exposure.” The doctor added that previous tests have shown farts have the power to spray talcum powder long distances. He added: “Perhaps SARS-CoV-2 can be spread through the power of parping - we need more evidence. “So, remember to wear appropriate PPE at all times and stay safe!”

     Ok, will do. So, alone in my shed, I am free to pass wind as the urge comes upon me, sometimes up to 60 times an hour. At that point there is no oxygen left in the shed, and I have to open the sliding door, or my precious rats and cockroaches will croak it. Such is life. Confession; it is not farting cows causing global warming and making the poles ice up, and causing freezing weather everywhere, which is what “warming” means, but Uncle Len. I am sorry Greta.



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Friday, 12 July 2024

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