After a spectacular flop in the presidential race—losing the White House, Senate, and House to a Republican sweep—Kamala Harris, the 60-year-old political has-been, has decided to pivot to her true calling: teaching kids how to dodge tough questions with a smile! She's launched the "Kamala Harris Institute for Kids Who Can't Policy Good and Wanna Learn to Waffle Good Too," a ground-breaking academy for aspiring masters of vague answers and endless giggles.
According to a totally real report in the New York Times, Harris has been spotted at top universities like Howard and Stanford, recruiting young minds to join her noble cause of "word salad mastery." Critics on social media, however, have been merciless, calling her plan the "Waffle House of Politics"—a place where ideas go to get lost in syrupy nonsense.
"I'm building a safe space for kids who can't handle tough policy questions but still want to sound like they're saying something deep," Harris allegedly told podcaster Noah Blum, while reportedly quoting Zoolander: "I'm really good at… other stuff, okay?!"
"This institute is a goldmine for anyone who needs to learn how to talk in circles without ever landing on a point," gushed writer Doug Powers, who dubbed it "a bottomless well of hot air." Meanwhile, creator Dan Goldwasser suggested a more fitting name: "The Institute for People Who Institute Things That Are Institutey."
"She is not someone who makes rash decisions," said Brian Brokaw, a former aide. "She takes, sometimes, a painfully long time to make decisions. So I would pretty much guarantee you she has no idea what her next move is." Thus, anything is possible.
Join Kamala and her crew of overly enthusiastic supporters as they embark on this noble quest to teach the next generation how to laugh their way out of any hard question—because who needs policy when you've got a winning cackle? Just look what it did for Kamala in the US election!
https://www.theblaze.com/news/kamala-harris-scheme-mocked-center
"Failed presidential candidate Kamala Harris is reportedly plotting to open an institute of "policy and ideas," and many of her critics on social media enjoyed mocking the plan.
The 60-year-old has shrunk from public life after a devastating loss in an election where Democrats lost control of the White House and U.S. Senate and failed to retake the House of Representatives from Republicans. She has considered running for California governor as well as mounting a second presidential campaign.
According to a report in the New York Times, a close Harris ally has reached out to several universities, including Howard University and Stanford University, in an effort to establish the center of "policy and ideas."
Predictably, the scheme was ridiculed relentlessly on social media.
"The Kamala Harris institute for kids who can't policy and ideas good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too," joked podcaster Noah Blum, paraphrasing a line from the movie "Zoolander."
"The Kamala Harris Center for the Unburdening of What Has Been should provide a bottomless well of material," responded writer Doug Powers.
"An Institute for People Who Institute Things that Are Institutable," replied creator Dan Goldwasser.
"The Kamala D. Harris Institute for Examining the Importance of Understanding What Needs to Be Done," quipped Andrew Stiles of the Free Beacon.
"Whoever at the NYT is portraying Kamala Harris as an intellect with the ability to articulate complex issues is the biggest shill for the Dems. That could be anyone at the NYT," said another critic.
Harris is known for taking a long time to make decisions, according to Brian Brokaw, a former aide to the Democrat.
"She is not someone who makes rash decisions," said Brokaw. "She takes, sometimes, a painfully long time to make decisions. So I would pretty much guarantee you she has no idea what her next move is."
The Times report said that she is leaning toward running for California governor after Gavin Newsom terms out of the office.