Historians have long puzzled over the catastrophic European drought of 1540. Rivers dried up. Crops failed. People reportedly walked across the Rhine. For centuries, this event was vaguely attributed to "weather patterns" or "natural variability," the usual excuses used by climate deniers, like those dreadful fellows writing at the Alor.org blog.
But thanks to modern climate science, we now know the real culprit: horse-drawn carriages and the methane-rich emissions from horse manure!
Think about it. In 1540, Europe was already heavily reliant on horses for transport, agriculture, and war. Thousands of horses were pulling carriages, carts, and ploughs across the continent every single day. Each horse produces roughly 50 pounds of manure daily. That's a lot of organic matter breaking down and releasing greenhouse gases.
Coincidence? I think not.
Leading climate researchers (who wish to remain anonymous until their next grant comes through), have noted that 1540 marked a period of unusually high horse density in Western and Central Europe. The proliferation of horse-drawn vehicles created what can only be described as a "transportation emissions event." The manure piled up in streets, fields, and stables, warming the atmosphere and disrupting rainfall patterns for hundreds of miles. Or so some say.
"It's the smoking gun we've been looking for," said one expert who studies pre-industrial climate impacts. "We've been too focused on the Industrial Revolution. The real damage started much earlier, with the humble horse and cart."
The Evidence is Overwhelming
Contemporary accounts describe "foul airs" in major cities, clearly a reference to horse emissions rather than poor sanitation.
The drought was most severe in regions with the highest concentration of roads and trade routes, exactly where horse-drawn traffic would have been heaviest.
After the drought, some regions saw a reduction in horse numbers due to economic hardship. Rainfall patterns eventually returned to normal. Correlation? Obviously, causation.
Critics will point out that droughts happened long before horses were domesticated. They'll mention solar activity, volcanic eruptions, and natural climate oscillations. These people are clearly in the pay of Big Hay!
The science is settled. Horse-drawn transport was destabilising the climate as early as the 16th century. The only reason it took us this long to notice is because earlier generations lacked the sophisticated climate models we have today, models that can confidently attribute any weather event to whatever political target is most convenient. Oh yes sir, trust the science!
What Must Be Done
In light of this shocking discovery, urgent action is required:
A global ban on horse-drawn vehicles should be implemented immediately.
A "Manure Emissions Tax" must be levied on all remaining horses, with the revenue used to fund climate reparations for 16th-century peasants; those still alive of course.
Wealthy families who kept large stables should be forced to issue public apologies and fund tree-planting schemes in the areas their ancestors' horses allegedly desiccated. Sack cloth and ashes, maybe.
Any historian who continues to blame "natural variability" for the 1540 drought should be investigated for spreading disinformation.
Some will argue that banning horses would have been impractical in 1540. These people lack vision. They also probably own horses.
Looking Forward
The lesson of 1540 is clear: human activity has been destroying the climate for far longer than we realized. From horse manure to Roman concrete to Viking longships, the list of pre-industrial climate crimes keeps growing. Yep, it is civilisation beyond cave living which "harms" the scared environment, clearly!
If we are to have any hope of saving the planet, we must be willing to confront even the most uncomfortable truths, including the devastating environmental impact of horses doing what horses have always done. And we only have months to turn things around before all ice on earth, including the ice cubes in my fridge, melt!
The next time someone tells you that climate change only began with the steam engine, show them the withered fields of 1540 and ask: What were the horses doing? What about the horse manure?
The answer, as always, is staring us in the face.
(All amusing nonsense of course, but the present-day version of this, climate change hysteria/alarmism, based upon more sophisticated versions of these sorts of absurd arguments, is still going strong with zeronet, in its quest to undermine Western civilisation, even though it too is "horse manure.")