Ah, the sweet irony of climate alarmism — where the very folks ringing the bells about apocalyptic sea-level rise can't resist snapping up prime oceanfront real estate. It's like warning everyone about the dangers of junk food while hoarding a secret stash of donuts. Take Kamala Harris, for instance, who's just plunked down a cool $8.15 million on a luxurious seaside mansion in Malibu, California. This isn't some humble beach shack; we're talking a 4,000-square-foot paradise in the gated Point Dume neighbourhood, complete with a pool, hot tub, sauna, cold plunge, professional gym, private putting green (with bunker, naturally), a guest house, and jaw-dropping views of the ocean, islands, and city lights. She closed the deal on December 2, right after years of preaching about how rising seas are poised to swallow coastal communities whole.
Harris has been one of the loudest voices in the climate choir, decrying how "our oceans are warming, sea levels are rising," and how pollution, droughts, fires, and extreme weather are "destroying our communities" and "poisoning the planet." Back in her presidential run, she pushed a $10 trillion plan to combat the crisis, including $50 million annually for "climate-resilient living shoreline projects" to fend off those encroaching waves. As Vice President, she announced $562 million in resilience funding in 2023, telling a crowd at the University of Miami that living in a coastal area means being "on the front lines of the climate crisis." Her administration even touted studies warning that 24% to 75% of California's beaches could vanish due to erosion from sea-level rise. Yet here she is, betting millions on a property that's practically begging for a tsunami makeover. If the oceans are such a threat, why not opt for a nice, safe mountain retreat? Or is this her way of "leading by example"— monitoring the apocalypse from an infinity pool?
But Harris isn't alone in this peculiar brand of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do environmentalism. Enter Barack Obama, who, after leaving the White House, scooped up an $11.75 million mansion on Martha's Vineyard in 2019. This sprawling estate sits just feet from the Atlantic Ocean, complete with seven bedrooms, a boathouse, and enough waterfront to make any sea-level alarmist sweat. Obama, of course, has been a climate crusader extraordinaire, warning in speeches and his books about the "irreversible" damage from global warming, including melting ice caps and flooding coastlines. He even hosted international summits to rally the world against the rising tides. Yet his retirement pad? Perched precariously on the edge of what he claims is a sinking ship. Maybe he's planning to convert it into a floating ark — or perhaps he's just confident that the "existential threat" won't interrupt his beach volleyball games anytime soon.
And let's not forget Al Gore, the OG of climate doom-scrolling. His 2006 documentary An Inconvenient Truth famously predicted a 20-foot sea-level rise "in the near future," painting visions of drowned cities and mass migrations. Fast-forward two decades, and that cataclysmic surge? Nowhere to be found — sea levels have risen modestly, about 3-4 millimetres per year on average, far from the Hollywood-level floods he hyped. But did that stop Gore from buying a $8.7 million ocean-view villa in Montecito, California, back in 2010? No. This clifftop gem overlooks the Pacific, where, according to his own prophecies, the waves should be lapping at his doorstep by now. Instead, he's living large, perhaps using his Nobel Prize money to fund a personal seawall.
This phenomenon isn't limited to politicians; it's a liberal elite staple. Leonardo DiCaprio jets around the world on private planes (emitting more carbon in a trip than most families do in a year) while lecturing us plebs about emissions. John Kerry, Biden's former climate envoy, owns multiple mansions, including one on Nantucket Island, and has been spotted yachting despite his dire warnings about oceanic Armageddon. Even Bill Gates, who's poured billions into green tech, has a $43 million oceanfront home in Del Mar, California. It's as if there's a secret club where membership requires publicly panicking about climate catastrophe while privately investing in the very waterfronts you're dooming.
Now, for a satirical splash: Maybe these alarmists are onto something we mortals can't fathom. Remember Waterworld, that 1995 Kevin Costner flop where the polar ice caps melt, flooding the planet and forcing humanity to live on floating junk heaps? Costner's character, the Mariner, evolves gills to survive underwater. Perhaps Harris, Obama, and Gore are secretly banking on genetic upgrades — buying up seaside mansions as evolutionary labs, waiting for the day they sprout fins and gills to rule the new aquatic world order. Why else drop millions on properties destined for submersion? It's not hypocrisy; it's forward-thinking! Harris could be practicing her cackle as an underwater echo, Obama fine-tuning speeches for dolphin audiences, and Gore... well, he's already got the stiff delivery down for a fishy crowd. Or maybe they're just building luxury submarines disguised as homes, ready to dive when the big wave hits. After all, if you're going to fearmonger about the end times, why not do it from a hot tub with an ocean view?
In all seriousness (or as much as this charade allows), this pattern exposes a glaring disconnect. These leaders push policies that demand sacrifices from everyday folks—higher energy costs, electric vehicle mandates, carbon taxes — while their lifestyles scream "rules for thee, but not for me." If the threat is so imminent, why aren't they fleeing the coasts like rats from a sinking ship? It suggests either blatant hypocrisy, or that the alarmism is overstated for political gain. Real climate science acknowledges gradual changes and the need for adaptation, but the doomsday rhetoric? That's what sells books, wins votes, and justifies trillion-dollar spending sprees. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering: If the elites aren't worried enough to skip the beach house, why should we lose sleep over it?
So next time a politician warns of biblical floods, check their real estate portfolio. Chances are, they're not prepping for Waterworld — they're just enjoying the view while the tide rolls in... slowly.