The CIA is Now Bugging Even Bugs! by Uncle Len, the Eternally Paranoid

All of you tech guys know the details, but it seems that if it has chips in it, then the CIA can, and is bugging it, with Vault 7 making even Uncle Len’s conspiratorial nightmares pretty tame.
However, I fear that things may be worse, what with alien nanotechnology and all that. The cockroaches in my shed seem to be getting bigger each year and harder to kill, as if they were little metal machines. Why, yesterday I had to kill one monster with sledgehammer, who was trying to eat me, and it took three mighty blows from this strong man to put the beast down. When I looked at the mess, it seemed that there was an integrated circuit in the insect, if it was an insect.
Why spy on Uncle Len who is nobody and does nothing useful with his life? If they can spy on me, who is delusional, and who lives in a shed, then just imagine what they are doing to you!