Eating Dogs? By James Reed

     If one eats dog meat, while the meat is hot, does that count as a “hot dog”? Since the environmentalists are moving on banning meat eating, for us, I have become obsessed with meat eating. Why, just the other day, I penned an article which I dimly remember, where I speculated about the taste of polar bear! That is how desperate a man can be for meat, glorious meat. And, I am not the only one suffering from meat angst. Just ask the Chinese if you please, who are in the pig apocalypse at the moment:

“As the price of pork, the most popular meat in China, continues to skyrocket in the wake of a livestock epidemic, citizens of the communist nation are turning to dog meat as a substitute. Pork prices have shot up 69 percent thanks to the market-killing effects of African swine fever, putting the meat out of reach for many Chinese. As the South China Morning Post reports, consumers with a tight budget are choosing cheaper alternatives to pork. Restaurants are now suggesting patrons choose dog meat, also referred to as "fragrant meat" in China and "sweet meat" in nearby North Korea, to keep the price of dishes down. Dog, along with rabbit, is also becoming more common in markets as having pork makes shoppers a target of hungry thieves, according to the SCMP. In one market, the only cut of hog cheaper than rabbit is a leg bone without a single scrap of meat attached. Dogs and rabbits, which both reproduce in great numbers and are relatively hardy, have become some of the cheapest meats available to residents of China. While eating dog meat is considered taboo in much of the Western world, China and other countries have a long history of dining on man's best friend.”

     This has got me wondering what dog meat would be like, and whether there are parasite problems, like with polar bears? My neighbour from Indonesia has eaten rat, and when I expressed horror about this, he said, “No, Mr Racist Reed,  the rats are not the scum bag rats you have in Australia, like the ones that come out at twilight at universities across the country to eat the junk food that students have tossed on the grounds, to then die of cardiac arrests, there little legs kicking in the air, while they lie on their backs in agony before expiring. No, the rats from my home are from the forest, and eat vegetable matter, and are big, clean and tasty. You have the dirty rats.” I believe him, and if I ever go to Indonesia, say in the next 300 years, I will eat some of the little fellows. Now I am wondering what forest rat tastes like.

     The Chinese are a very practical race, and the practice of eating dogs would certainly deal with the dog problem in the West, where it is only a matter of time before feral super-dogs start hunting down people like me  to eat for a chewy snack. I must admit to bias and dog bigotry here since I have hated dogs ever since the day one savagely bit me in the groin area, completely wrecking my manhood, not that it would have otherwise done me much good.

    Look, something really needs to be done by the enviro-loonies about people with asthma, since they have a bigfoot of carbon too:

“Many people with asthma could cut their carbon footprint and help save the environment by switching to "greener" medications, UK researchers say. Making the swap would have as big an "eco" impact as turning vegetarian or becoming an avid recycler, they say. It's because some inhalers release greenhouse gases linked to global warming. But the Cambridge University team told BMJ Open patients must check with a doctor before changing medication. Some patients will not be able to switch and should not be made to feel guilty, they add. What are greener inhalers? There are more than five million people with asthma in the UK. The research looked at the environmental impact of different inhaler medications prescribed to patients on the NHS in England. In 2017, about 50 million inhalers were prescribed. Seven out of every 10 of them were metered-dose inhalers - the type that contain greenhouse gases. The gas - hydrofluoroalkane - is used as a propellant to squirt the medicine out of the inhaler. What difference would it make? Metered-dose inhalers account for nearly 4% of NHS greenhouse gas emissions, according to experts. The researchers estimate replacing even one in every 10 of these inhalers with a more environmentally friendly type (dry powder inhalers) would reduce carbon dioxide equivalent emissions by 58 kilotonnes. That's similar to the carbon footprint of 180,000 return car journeys from London to Edinburgh, they say.”

     Green inhalers? I thought that the environmentalists were going to advocate that asthma suffers simply be left to choke to death, or whatever happens, as a symbol of global warming. But, good, get the green inhalers, and I will eat meat, fed on greens too.

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